Adam’s kiss and Kristina’s reaction, the saga continued… if you didn’t get a chance to watch Parenthood this week, if you don’t have a job that entails watching crappy television and writing about it… here’s the summary: Adam admitted the kiss. Kristina freaked out. Kristina assumed Rachel (the young woman at Adam’s office) would be fired and Adam went along with that plan….UNTIL he spoke with Cosby. Cosby is Adam’s younger hip brother, who we had previously not known as a voice of reason. However, Cosby advised Adam not to tell Kristina about he kiss. Cosby’s insight included that Rachel had not acted alone. That somehow, a kiss from another is invited. In other words, unspoken or spoken Adam had kinda, sorta left himself open…According to Cosby if you tell a woman she’s intelligent, she’ll fall for you. Hopelessly. Uncontrollably. And then, she’ll kiss you. Adam had told Rachel she was intelligent
Here’s the question: kiss by co-worker that you did not (consiously*) initiate, do you tell your spouse/partner? *we’re not talking about the gross grope that falls under sexual harassment. We’re talking about two people who like each other have a friendship and oops, one of them kisses the other.
The column where I espouse relationship advise, Ask Miri recently ran a piece about sexual history disclosure. I found myself defending a partner’s right to a past sexual life and the right to not divulge every detail of said life. And then found myself grappling with my support of the wife who hadn’t shared the correct number of partners. Was I right? I could see how her lack of disclosure felt terrible to the misinformed partner… But is that a deal breaking lie or an early relationship misquote for self-protectiveness? I was unsure how to be help the woman’s husband who wanted to know if his wife’s past sexual life and lies/omissions regarding were grounds for relationship obliteration.
And in the remarkable synergy of life, while mired in Ask Miri self-doubt, I found myself watching Adam on Parenthood faced with whether or not to tell his wife about a kiss he received or unknowingly invited or didn’t reject or didn’t respond to. Adam disclosed the kiss. The shit storm of hurt feelings, insecurities and self-doubt the kiss evoked for Kristina, does cause one to wonder if he should have kept the kiss under wraps.
In a recent study on monogamy, the chief reason for infidelity was not unhappiness or boredom. And it’s not particulalry a lack of connectedness. The chief reason: Access. We are animals and animals like to mate. Perhaps denying ourselves access is the issue. But wait. Before you collapse into tears, the access is less likely to be acted upon if the lines of communication are open and the respect and friendship are in tact. In other words, fidelity seems to be a choice. Not something that just happens. Fidelity: The Daily Choice. Kinds of like a vitamin.
We’ve discussed the problem of marriage and the doldrums inherent. We’ve discussed compromise in marriage and the need for a big dose to make marriage work. If the only thing stopping us from adding another to our stable is access than we could try open relationships. A lot of people do. Maybe it’s a more honest way to go. Gywenyth Paltrow isn’t shocked by affairs. I guess, if access is the issue than celebrities are sexually speaking, always overstocked like Costco. Europeans, in a practical stroke of genius, de-demonized affairs. Is there a mr counterpart to a mistress? What’s it like in Paris? Are they home for dinner at 6:30, sexually saited, ready for a glass of wine and a re-cap of the day with their dear old friend? That sounds fine on paper.