Looking a little crazy eyed, but if you were on all the drugs I was on to keep the hyperemesis at bay, you'd be crazy eyed too.
The “midwife of modern midwifery” Ina May Gaskin was interviewed recently at the blog Feministing, and instead of resulting in a shower of goodness around the beauty and wonder of natural childbirth, it stirred up a shit storm of controversies and anger about homebirth, attacks on Ms. Gaskin, and whole mess of judgements and shame against mothers who decide make any other decisions besides the rule-of-thumb hospital birth.
Ms. Gaskin says this about her connection to feminism in the interview:
During my first birth, I was subjected to insane treatment– mandatory forceps delivery. I came into contact with women a year and a half later who were saying,”This is not going to happen to us again,” and stayed at home to give birth the next time. They persuaded a friend who was a labor and delivery nurse to act as a midwife. These women came out of this experience so powerful, happy with the birth and baby obviously healthy and doing well. Instead of being scared afterwords in her new role as a mother, she was powerful and you could feel it. That excited me.
I relate to her statement, because of my own choices and, more, my mother’s birth story. They drugged my mom with scopolamine. Knocked her out. When she woke up from the drugs, she called down to the nurse and her first words as a new mother were: “Did I have a baby?”
Can you imagine this to be the case today? That in 1971 my mother was so drugged that she didn’t recall giving birth? Now, look, we can all make jokes about this because my natural delivery was no picnic (and I’ll get to that soon). Is there an envious side of me that wishes I was knocked out? Of course! Who wouldn’t like the stork to come, serve Mommy with a bundle of joy, no pain and the desire to make post-partum booty calls? Sure!
But my mother wasn’t given the choice. Drugs were her “choice.” And if we’re going to credit someone for reintroducing a safer element of chidlbirth to the greater society, then we have to credit Ina May Gaskin because as a feminist, she spoke out about her experience and created a dialogue about choice. Instead, that interview at Feministing became a debate of natural vs. epidural.
Avital of The Mamafesto wrote this about the comments over at Feministing:
One aspect that I hold firm to within my feminism is that it has allotted me the right to choose. While I will certainly share knowledge, information, and/or advice/suggestions with anyone who seeks it, or seems unsure, I also respect their right to choose.
My own experience is this. I had a midwife. Why? I heard of scary forced Cesareans. Of epidurals being given at 1 centimeter. Of forceps pulling babies out. These medical practices –though no question saved countless babies and mothers lives — frightened me. I wanted to have the option, the choice–which to me is the most basic feminist tenant as Avital wrote, as Ms. Gaskin wrote, a CHOICE–to start out with a natural birth plan. Not that my OB wouldn’t do this. My best friend had a natural childbirth with an OB–two, in fact! But I was looking for a different kind of birth. Someone to hold my hand the whole way, not question my judgement.
Joanne Yates of Avalon Midwives was there during my complications–the shrinking fibroid in my first pregnancy and the hyperemesis (aka severe morning sickness) in my second pregnancy which I wrote about for Babble here. Joanne and two other midwives in her practice worked with me even though I was in the hospital two times when I was pregnant with Elke because of dehydration, as well as pumped up on all sorts of anti-nausea drugs. There were doctors involved, yes. But it was my midwife who acted as my ADVOCATE. She helped me make decisions. She sat with me from the beginning of each labor and delivered both of my kids.
Jake was born 2 weeks late and then came out like a rampage. My water broke. Did my hard labor in the tub at the hospital. They pulled me out of the tub when I felt his head (that hospital wouldn’t allow water births) and then I pushed him out after two grunts. In total, it was 4 hours. Excruciating, but quick.
With Elke, I had been ill until five months then alternated vertigo and nausea until the ninth month. Elke came on her due date because my girl was ready to GO. My birth plan was a water birth. I thought it would be a welcoming, gentle entry for Elke considering my pregnancy and one of my best friends delivered her daughter at home in a tub with her midwife. She said it was a remarkable experience.
Once I got to the hospital, I was five centimeters. I wasn’t in terrible pain, but I began to chicken out of my water birth. I turned to Joanne and said, “Would it be awful if I got an epidural?”
“Honey,” she said, “after your pregnancy, if that’s what you want, do it.”
So I chose an epidural. My midwife helped me make that choice. And though being hooked up to the tubes and getting the spinal was pretty horrific, the pain in delivering was minimal compared to my natural childbirth experience.
I have nothing against doctors. This is not what I’m suggesting. But when I went to my OB who had been my doctor for years before my pregnancy, she wasn’t going with my natural childbirth ideas. “That’s not the kind of births I do,” she said. She suggested I go to a midwife. And I did. So again, I’m not anti-OB at all. I’m suggesting that a birth culture took over our society years ago to a) help women fight pain and b) save lives. Natural birthing got pushed to the wayside, and now people are still judging.
Why judge either way? Can’t we agree that giving birth comes in many forms? That they’re all potentially dangerous situations and that women can and should educate themselves along with their practitioner –whether it be a midwife or an OB–and that more, that this is a feminist progression of birthing?
Whatever your path is, can we agree that there are medical complications to both sides and that any introduction of choice is wise? But the next time you hear someone talking about a c-section, or an epidural, or a home birth, don’t sneer, don’t raise your eyebrows. Simply say, it’s your choice.
Liz
January 11, 2012
Well said my friend, well said. BTW, I did it for the sandwhich! Lol
Shannon Drury
January 11, 2012
Women should be able to have all the information they need to make the choices that work best for them, their babies, and their families. All of this “well, I did A so you shouldn’t do B” garbage is the language of the oppressor, amirite?
And like you, I had one baby naturally, without any meds, and one baby with the help of an epidural. I preferred the first one for many reasons, and would highly recommend it, but am I going to judge a woman who has one? What good would that do anybody?
Andrea Chisholm, MD
January 11, 2012
Hmmm….”a doctor wouldn’t have helped me make these choices”, that is a pretty sweeping and scathing comment. I absolutely agree with your message, that how a woman chooses to conduct her labor experience should be absolutely in her control, especially when it comes to choices around pain management. In fact, I have been known to tell my patient’s “as long as everything is going well with you and the baby or babies, you could labor standing on your head if you want….” in an attempt to illustrate their control of the situation. I take offense, great offense in fact, to your comment and suggestion that I ( and I would argue, many of my colleagues), wouldn’t help our patients make informed choices about their options during labor. I will not dispute that there are maybe equally as many obstetricians who would not help their patients make a choice( although I loathe to think or admit that), I am critical of your all inclusive statement. That being said, there certainly are many pitfalls in modern obstetrics which can derail a woman’s plans for a natural, non interventional birth experience. However, there also is an expection that an obstetrician will deliver “perfection” and nature isn’t always so kind. Thank you for the dialogue. I support your message not the judgement.
Hayley Krischer
January 11, 2012
Andrea, I was wrong in saying that a doctor wouldn’t help me make that choice. Because, you are absolutely right. Every doctor is different. It’s a sweeping statement. And after I respond to you, I’ll make a note of it and correct it. It’s stupid of me to write a story about judgement and there I go judging without even realizing that I’m doing it. I own it.
Let me rephrase.
What I would like to say is that when I spoke to my OB who had been my doctor for years before my pregnancy, a person I trusted, I had a long discussion with her about how I wanted my birth to be. I told her about my thoughts about moving around the room. About doing labor in a tub. About not being attached to a machine. Not having drugs as the first option if I could handle it. She wasn’t going with it. “That’s not the kind of births I do,” she said. And she is the one who suggested that I speak to a midwife. So that is my experience. I know not every doctor operates that way – as my friend Liz posted below, she had two natural births with an OB and they worked out great. She did most of her laboring at home–not in the hospital. Again, I hope you accept that I understand my sweeping statement was not only inaccurate, but was really more about my experience.
Andrea Chisholm, MD
January 11, 2012
Hayley, Thank-you. Now I can say, “I agree!” I also can say I am sorry that my profession let you down.
Kristen Goodell MD
January 11, 2012
Thanks Hayley and Andrea for that civil discourse. I am a primary care physician, and consider it a major part of my job to help my patients make informed decisions, and to support them in those descisions including at times when I can’t do what they need (for example, women who want bioidentical hormone therapy for menopause really need to see someone who does that, since I’m not knowlegeable about that kind of treatment).
ONe thing that interests and surprises me is how ardently many of us cling to our ideas about what the perfect birth is. Hayley has illustrated that we don’t have to do that, we can be happy with many different outcomes. I also had two different births – my first proceeded so exactly according to hospital protocol that I am still the only peson I know who delivered there without receiving pitocin. It was a great birth – with the epidural I wanted, lots of helpful doctors and nurses hanging around, and what for me felt like a safe and comfortable environment – after all, I worked there! My second one was breach, so I had a C-section for my son; but that was OK with me too. If it had been ’76 instead of ’06 I’m sure I’d have delivered him breach, since we found out late – but as it was everything went well and at least I haven’t needed any kind of bladder procedure. So far. Perhaps it’s the need for control that so many women are responding too…
Hayley Krischer
January 11, 2012
First, I love that two doctors have contributed to this discussion. Second, yes, Kristen, we do cling to birth plans. i.e., I’m not going to feel any pain! Or, I refuse any drugs at all! I think this is where we get into trouble. Birth is not often thought of as a metaphor for life, but isn’t it just that? A doula who taught my birthing class said that birth prepares you for motherhood (or parenthood)–beautiful, miracle-like, painful and complicated all at once.
Miriam Novogrodsky
January 11, 2012
yep. nothing like having a baby to teach you that you are not in control….i loved being pregnant and would have had more children had life not twisted in a different direction. being a mother? all i was ever sure i wanted to be – turned bags of rice into babies from the time i was two. that said, giving birth was one of the most out of control experiences of my life. until i gave birth i had no idea that i was control freak. my mother, tho invited to the birth of my children, did not want to be in the room. my grandmother (my mother’s mother) delivered fourteen children at home with a midwife – five dollars/ birth. i had a birth plan: have baby. keep baby healthy. both of us live. i shunned the idea that there was ‘right’ way to deliver or that there was any failure in medication or c section, etc.
i never wrote a birth plan. I was asked for the plan over and over. i said I’m not writing a plan. here’s my plan: have baby. keep baby healthy. both of us live.
Avital Norman Nathman
January 11, 2012
Haley – thank you so much for sharing your story and for continuing this important dialogue surrounding birth and choice (and really…reproductive rights!). I also have to commend everyone who has commented so far for their respectful and engaging thoughts – proof that we can discuss these issues without it falling apart into chaos (where nobody gets heard and it all turns into shouting and white noise. sigh.)
Hayley Krischer
January 11, 2012
Thank you for starting this discussion on your blog Avital!
BalancingJane
January 11, 2012
Thank you for this story and reasonable, compassionate point of view.
I cannot stand the way any mention of birth choices gets spun into a dichotomy as if the world were split only into women who want to give birth alone in a field and women who want to be put under for their elective c-section/tummy tuck.
Pregnancy, birth, mothering, living–these are all complicated things that ensure there is no “right” way to do things. And we all deserve the respect and autonomy and information to figure out the right way for ourselves.
Elizabeth Leaver
January 12, 2012
Yes, Jane, I agree about the unnecessary dichotomy. I also feel it is perpetuated to some degree, at least in many birth conversations I’ve participated in, by mothers who choose to have natural births. Maybe it’s just human nature to brag about one’s pain threshhold, but I’m not sure I’ll ever wrap my head around how this marks one as somehow superior. I had one natural birth (albeit unintentionally for my second child) and at no point did I feel compelled to view it as an accomplishment that placed me above women who chose epidurals (which I also did, also unintentionally, with my first child). As you said, we all deserve respect and autonomy in this most personal of arenas, especially because it’s so rare that our birth plans work out the way we first hoped they would.
Hayley Krischer
January 12, 2012
It is perpetuated, Liz–this is part of the problem. You are right to bring up this superior notion that some people have and I’ve seen it go both ways. I’ve also been judged by women who couldn’t believe I’d choose a natural birth. “Why would you do that?” to “You’re crazy” to “You must like pain.” I think this is where the judgement needs to end. The only accomplishment is birth — no matter what way you get there.
Bryan
January 12, 2012
Terrific article Hayley, really enjoy your writing style and shedding light on issues rarely discussed.