I wouldn’t say that I was gung-ho when my ex-husband told me he was going to sign our son up for the Boy Scouts in 2010. I had heard about their stringent anti-gay policy and didn’t want my child (or myself for that matter) to participate in any club that would exclude openly gay boys or parents. Influenced heavily by the stories from my childhood about the discrimination of country clubs in the 1950s, I compared the Boy Scouts’ rules to those racist policies. My Jewish grandparents weren’t able to join the inner circle of the sprawling golf and tennis club world back then because as the signs clearly read on many of those sprawling country club lawns:
No Jews. No blacks. No dogs.
Most of the parents of my son’s friends signed their boys up for the camping (and whittling!) These parents, as well as my son’s father, didn’t prescribe to the politics, yet were able to look at the positive elements. Of course we’re not okay with this policy, a few parents emphatically told me. Still, I couldn’t passively protest a discriminatory organization while actively supporting it. “You sign him up. You take him. You pay for it. This is your gig,” I told my ex. “I can’t get past their anti-gay policy.” This is the challenging part of blended family arrangements that I know comes as no surprise. You’re not always going to agree about fundamental issues.
And then this happened. A gay father, who according to reports sold well over his share of popcorn for the Scouts (popcorn is the Scout’s version of Girl Scout cookies) was asked to step down as scout leader from his 9-year-old son’s pack. Said the Texas-based dad, Jon Langbert at the time:
“What message does that send to my son? It says I’m a second-class citizen,” Langbert said.
For the sake of argument, let me say that my ex had what I’ll call a What if that was me? moment (along with other feelings about the organization) and pulled my kid out of the Scouts. Though I hadn’t explained anything to my son about my issue with the Boy Scouts just two months earlier (I didn’t want to shroud his experience with his father even though I was against it), I felt it was time to give him a lesson in How To Act Like A Good Human Being 101. As a family, we preached tolerance: no excluding kids or bullying kids because of their differences. How was this any different?
Because we have a number of gay parents in our small town, it was easy to pick a parent out and use as an example. I told him that his friend Jonah’s* dad wouldn’t be able to be a scout leader because he’s gay. And in our family, I explained, we treat everyone the way we want to be treated.
Just this week, the Boy Scouts’ newest reaffirmation of banning gay parents as leaders and gay children seems to have evoked a stronger public outcry. Maybe because in those two years, gay rights have made huge strides: the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell; President Obama supports gay marriage; and gay marriage is legal in a few states. Yet the Boy Scouts continues to operate as a discriminatory dinosaur. The New York Times reported:
“The Boy Scouts of America is one of the last cultural institutions to have discrimination as part of their policy,” said Richard Ferraro, noting that the Girl Scouts, the Boys and Girls Clubs, the 4-H Clubs and now even the military forbid discrimination based on sexual orientation.
Also this week, a Missouri-based Boy Scout camp fired Eagle Scout Eric Johnson after he came out of the closet. Johnson had worked there for five years.
One would think that the Boy Scouts would have a stronger agenda than just wanting to teach outdoor skills–but with the landscape of so many bullied kids who could find true refuge in the simplistic, outdoor-based camaraderie their organization offers, one would think that the Scouts would want to teach tolerance as well. But tolerance is a lesson we’ll have to teach our children–without any help from the Boy Scouts of America.
(Image: Veracitystew.com/rumproast.com)
(*Not his real name.)
Melissa
July 20, 2012
I felt exactly as you do. My husband and I have been discussing Scouts because our son starts kindergarten in the fall and we need to figure out how to handle it when it comes up. I was a firm ‘absolutely not,’ and he was a ‘let’s think about this.’
Just this week I spoke with an older friend here in town whose son is an Eagle Scout. He told me that they would get memos from the head office about things like this, and they chose to ignore them. The leaders stressed a message of inclusion to their troop and followed through with action – no one was turned away. This, combined with the news of the two national Board members telling the media that they want to change things from the inside got me thinking:
Participating in scouts may be a possibility. If my son wants to join the Scouts, then we will talk about national’s discriminatory policies and we will approach the troop leadership here to learn more – and try to change things from the inside, assuming the adults involved locally have the right answers. I believe this sends a message to my son about love and inclusiveness as well as when it is appropriate to challenge authority.
The one obstacle I can’t get past is funding. I’d need to learn more about where the money our family commits to Scouts is going to the national office, because I am not going to let that happen.
Guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
Hayley Krischer
July 20, 2012
Melissa, thank you for your well-thought out comment. I believe my ex also talked to the scout leader of his troop as well. That leader didn’t agree with the policy and if I remember correctly, felt like change could only come from the inside. For me, I couldn’t get around it. I also love that you’re going to discuss love and acceptance with your son. Just as a side note: there are other inclusive outdoor groups that don’t discriminate, so that might also be an option. Our local YMCA has a group, for instance that follows a similar program that the Scouts do – but everyone can join.