You look hugggge.
I remember being pregnant. About seven months pregnant. One of New York City’s finest said to me when I stopped at a crosswalk, “Carrying twins?”
“Uh, no,” I said, staring down at my belly which was slowly becoming a shelf.
“Oh, you must be ready to pop then.”
“Nope,” I said. “Seven months.”
“Seven months,” he said, giving me the Jackie Gleason of wide-eyed looks. “You’re huge!”
Yeah, thanks buddy.
I wish I had a shirt that said: “Shut up about my pregnancy and tell me I look great.” But people love to give advice about pregnancies, and babies, and sometimes more.
In a hilarious essay on McSweeney’s, Wendy Molyneux‘s gripe is with strangers on the street who tell her how to take care of her baby. I’ll give you a snippet for your amusement.
Oh nice lady, you are probably right! I should definitely cover his face always so he doesn’t get sun on it. If he is exposed to the sun for even one moment, even as I am simply walking from the mechanic to a coffee shop where I have to unexpectedly stop to feed him because my car broke down, he will probably immediately get sun disease or burst into flames.
Now, let’s add to the list shall we?
1. Thank you for telling me that my nose ring is infected. I love it when people stare THISCLOSE into my face.
2. Thank you for informing me that my son is tired even though he just got up from a 3 hour nap. Of course, you’re right, it has nothing to do with the cookie.
3. You’re right. I shouldn’t expect my husband to tell me that I look good in these jeans, because your husband never tells you.
Your turn.
Image: Flickr/Creative Commons/Ed Yourdon
Jessica
August 20, 2012
I’m having an awful pregnancy day, week…endless loop, sigh. This made me laugh.
Muriel
August 20, 2012
“I wasn’t that big, even when I was 8 months pregnant.”
“Are you sure you should be eating a hot dog? I don’t think they are good for pregnant people.”
And the best was when I was excluded from a field project “because you might fall over and hurt yourself”, you know, because the second you get pregnant you lose all sense of balance, lol.
Miriam Novogrodsky
August 20, 2012
“I’d like to have birth announcements printed” I said to the disinterested girl working at the counter. In her carrying seat, beside my feet on the floor, my perfect newborn cooed.
“We can’t print anything until the baby is born, or are you having a C-section and you know the date already?”
“She’s already born. She’s right here.” I pointed to the baby seat on the floor.
“Oh, you still look pregnant.” The girl blushed.
And I did still look pregnant. But I didn’t give a shit. What did the wisp behind the counter know about true love? I had found my true love and she was sitting in a wet diaper about to scream. It wasn’t until I told my sister the story that I realized it was funny or kind of tactless…
Amy
August 21, 2012
Stranger, about my kids as babies: “Twins?”
Me: “Yep.”
Stranger: “Identical, right?”
Me:” No, fraternal.”
Stranger:”Fraternal? Are you sure?”
Me:”Um yes. One is a boy and one is a girl.”
Stranger: “Well yes, but I think they might be identical.”
I swear I have had this conversation more than once.