As reported all over the US this past weekend, the article below is from the Daily Mail online. I looked and listened for a trace of dismay (other than the fake shock accompanied with a smile on Fox News) in the voices of television reporters, or the mention of child abuse.
I didn’t find either. This is not respectful or constructive parenting. The final sentence in the article, stating that the police had investigated and found that the parents were doing nothing illegal, speaks to a legal loop hole in the protection of children. Public shaming of a child is unacceptable and the lack of public outrage around this, disheartening. In fact, the action was largely lauded.
Please read the article and share your thoughts with us, thanks — Miri
A teenage girl has been forced to stand by the side of a busy road holding a sign accusing her of ‘disrespect’ towards her family.
15-year-old Jasmine has had a number of behavioural issues, and the last straw for her parents came when she let a boy into her house in the middle of the night.
So they made her stand out near their home in Palm Coast, Florida, advertising her misdeeds for passers-by to see.
The sign held by Jasmine, whose surname has not been released, read: ‘I sneak boys in at 3am and disrespect my parents and grandparents.’
public abuse of a child
Punishment: 15-year-old Jasmine, centre, has been forced to pose with a humiliating sign by her parents
Her mother Melinda and stepfather Mike say the teenager has been acting out ever since she started at high school this fall, according to WESH.
They accuse her of drinking, lying and sneaking out of the house, before the forbidden liaison which led to Jasmine’s unusual punishment on Wednesday.
They insist that they have tried a number of alternative disciplinary methods, but that none have worked so far.
‘I’ve taken all her toys or her electronics away – her phone, no privileges on the TV or computer – and still she just laughs about it,’ Melinda said.
Mike added that while the punishment might seem brutal, it was motivated by compassion.
‘This is all about love,’ he told WESH. ‘I took my day off of work. I missed out on $300 or $400 today to do this. You know what I mean, to come and do this. I love this kid.’
He added that Jasmine needed to be straightened out before getting into more serious trouble, saying: ‘This is the beginning of what she’s doing to eventually wind up in prison.’
The teenager unsurprisingly took a different view of her punishment, insisting: ‘That’s not love.’
She added, ‘It’s not just embarrassing them, it’s embarrassing me too.’
However, Jasmine also admitted that the unorthodox discipline had led her to rethink her behaviour – and her parents have warned her that if she does not mend her ways, they will consider making her hold a sign outside her own school, or even shave her head.
While most passing motorists seemed to approve of Jasmine’s fate, one stopped to make sure she was OK, saying: ‘The way she looks right now, I don’t want her to hurt herself.’
Police investigated the incident, but found no evidence that Mike and Melinda were doing anything illegal.
(Images: Daily Mail)
Hayley Krischer
November 29, 2012
The main question that the parents should be asking themselves is “Why is Jasmine acting out to this degree?” If she’s drinking and sneaking out to the degree of her parents resorting to using this as a punishment, the kid clearly has problems beyond the parents realm of “compassionate help” –or whatever the stepfather believes they are doing. I’m not going to say that I think these people don’t care about her, but instead of losing $300 for work, they should spend the money on 3 sessions of family therapy.
Andrea Chisholm, MD
November 29, 2012
OK guys- I am going out on a limb here but I can relate to these parents’ frustrations. I have to admit that I gave significant thought to a similar punishment for my teenage son. Now, something stopped me from doing it but I am pretty sure it wasn’t compassion for my teen- at least not at the heat of the moment. I didn’t follow through so I can’t stand completely behind their actions, but I certainly can appreciate these parents’ desparation. No offense Hayley- but if you have a teen who isn’t engaging no amount of family therapy or reasoning for that matter is going to work! Miriam- I agree with you on the concept of not tolerating public humiliation of a child BUT somewhere along the way these insolent teens stop being children(?)…..
Hayley Krischer
November 29, 2012
Andrea, they said the next step was shaving her HEAD. Look, I was drinking and sneaking out when I was a teenager. Shoplifting. Bulimia. Smoking a lot of pot. Parties when my mother wasn’t home. My father took a strong stand. He brought me down to the police station and told the cops at the desk to remember my face, because the next time they came to my house to break up a party, that they should bring me in to sit in jail overnight. Then they took me on a tour of the jail cell. And you know what? It worked! (I had much smaller parties.)
So I really do see the good in using strict methods of discipline–even scare tactics. Of course, family therapy isn’t the only answer. But publicly humiliating and threatening to shave her head. Nope. Don’t get it.
So what’s the answer?
Miriam Novogrodsky
November 29, 2012
Andrea, I think you didn’t put your son out with a sign because you know that shame doesn’t fix anything and understanding the compulsion to do something is very different than doing “it” — anyway, clearly, we may have to disagree on this one… though I pledge to regale you with facts about shame whenever I see you next…starting with: people do bad things to themselves and others fuled by shame.
anyway,
I had another thought about this situation having to do with our pet obsessed nation:People would have been up in arms if they’d driven past a dog with a sign that read: I’m a piece of shit, I chew the house up, I bite strangers and I don’t listen to commands….
Andrea Chisholm, MD
November 29, 2012
OK girls- points well taken. Yes I agree these parents are headed over the edge especially when it comes to the physical piece of shaving the girls’s head- but I get it and I guess that’s what I am saying. And Miriam I do agree with you about the dog issue BUT they, unlike teenagers, are “(wo)man’s best friend!”
Jennifer Ferguson
December 3, 2012
I think somewhat public humiliation is an amazing punishment for some behaiviors. It makes perfect sense in my mind to drag this girl and the boy involved to a long talk with the local public health nurse partially with and infront of both sets of parents about sex. Giving both teens a chance to talk with the public health nurse alone and together as a couple. Not only does it educate the teens it drives home the point that if these kids are that uncomfortable they really aren`t ready for sex. I also feel like we give teens all this biological informatiton about sex without telling them the important things like: if you cannot talk to your partner about sex don`t bother because the sex will be terrible and having sex with someone you really care about is an emotional (dare I spiritual man that sounds cheesy but it`s just true) experience
However having your teen stand on a street corner with a placard has nothing to do with the crime. They are making her do this either because they are angry or because they legitametly can`t think of a better more effective punishment.
Miriam Novogrodsky
December 4, 2012
Thanks for your comment, Jennifer. I don’t think this punishment has anything to do with sex-ed. I think this punishement is about parents who believe shame will bring compliance. Unfortunately, shame does not create trust, respect, compliance or open discussion. This punishment smells like fear and control, two things parents wrestle with all the time. miri
Cindy B
December 14, 2012
Call me crazy, but, the embarrassment of standing out in public holding a stupid sign, opposed to standing out in public with a screaming baby she can’t handle, is a good trade-off.
If nothing else is working, and seeing as these parents will be the ones raising the little darlings’ darlin, I say good for them. When she is able to have a life, sans screaming teenage love-child, she can thank her parents later.