Ask Miri

Miriam NovogrodskyFemamom, Miriam Novogrodsky is more than just an amazing writer. She’s also a licensed social worker and a family therapist. She helps women and men figure out solutions.

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3 Responses → “Ask Miri”

  1. Emily Reed

    October 24, 2011

    Dear Miri,
    I am facing the very same “Halloween” dilemma with my thirteen year old, she is insisting on being a playboy bunny. Bow tie, little tail, cleavage and all. I’m not the kind of mom to say no to something as silly and harmless as Halloween, but common a Playboy bunny? she could have done better than that!
    Bunny mummy, Emily

    Reply

  2. john

    November 22, 2011

    Dear Miri
    I married a girl 7 years ago, I expected that she had 4-5 men before me.
    A few month ago , one of her ex contact her through social website and She mention it. I felt humiliated and asked her about her past.She refuses to answer, but as I insist she said she had 3 men before me, I noticed she was lying and told her then she agreed for 4.And she told me that was all.I insisted and she confirmed 4, no more.
    But when I recollect every weird things she said during those 7 years, I am quite sure there is a much greater number, I asked some question, she felt extremly nervous, but said she did not hide anything.
    So I am quite sure she lies to me.
    As I had very few girls in my life, this situation is extremly humiliating for me.
    That would mean that either I am nothing, or she is a slut.
    I do not know what to do.
    I am scared to know the truth
    But as I already imagine the kind of answer I will get I am scared doing nothing
    I do not know what to do if she said something like 15 men (I would not surprised of that kind of answer)
    I do not imagine any kind of future with a women who had this past..
    What should I do?

    Reply

    • Miriam Novogrodsky

      November 22, 2011

      Dear John:
      Look, I don’t know where to begin. I have walked around all day trying to decide how best to answer you. It comes down to deciding to believe. Huh? Yes, believe.
      Your wife has a past. You have a past. If you deem her sexual past to be deviant (and for the record more partners than four is NOT considered deviant) then you will have problems. You will be tortured by what her partners before you meant to her. You say that if she had more partners than four, than you are ‘nothing’ or she is a ‘slut.’ If you are limited to those two possible explanations, neither of you is worth much in your estimate. No wonder you are sad. Your marriage needs professional support. Now. Go and find a good ear and learn how to tell each other the truth and not to judge too harshly. Who knows, next time it might be you asking for her to believe you….and for what it’s worth she’s WITH YOU. You must be worth something. And slut? You know that’s an unkind word and you know there is no equivalent word for men ( and I hope there never is). So, don’t use it.
      Best,
      Miri

      Reply

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