A list of things I thought I’d never say, back when my kids were little cutie-pies: You can’t go out in that, it’s my job to keep you from getting abducted Stacking your dishes with sauce and pasta glued on them, is not cleaning up after yourselves You texted me when you meant to [...]
December 14, 2012
Last year I had all sorts of reasons why I didn’t send holiday cards of my adorable kids. And though I got pummeled by some angry folks on the Huffington Post (e.g., Why would I call it a holiday card when it’s a Christmas card? Have I forgotten about the reason for Christmas? Oh, you [...]
August 21, 2012
The family dinner is a thing I aspired to. I wanted to feed my children dinner and hear about their days. I really did. When our kids were little, my husband and I would sit with them around a large table and the whining commenced. But we kept at those tense miserable feedings, called dinner, [...]
April 12, 2012
The second night of Passover and it’s just a regular old crazy fest. Andy’s brother is tossing the kids on the bed. The ladies are chatting about Fifty Shades of Grey. I hadn’t read the book, so my three sister-in-laws praised the sexual gods for sending down such erotic literary pleasure. Thankfully, 3-year-olds can’t read. [...]
December 16, 2011
I haven’t sent out holiday cards in 5 years. And I tried. I really tried! Especially this year. I went through Shutterfly and Snapfish and Tiny Prints. I went through all of our photos from Long Beach Island this summer. I went through the photos from the pumpkin patch. Central Park Zoo. More beaches. More [...]
November 7, 2011
I bought my son a laser gun disc shooter when he was little. When all of us parents were talking peace and “no-killing” toys. I was sick of him chewing his toast into pistols. And then the crowning moment arrived. I overheard him tell his little friend whose mother’s were into Native American rituals [...]
October 26, 2011
“Mom, I’ll put away the dishes,” my 7-year-old says to me. “Wow, what a doll you are, I say.” The proud thoughts swirl. He’s learning responsibility. He’s taking the role as the big brother. He sees that I have other jobs in the house and he wants to contribute. I’m making a nice boy out [...]
September 12, 2011
I think fart jokes are funny. My son also thinks fart jokes are funny and even though we try to curtail them, it’s difficult to contain potty talk to the actual potty. Of course, potty talk, or fart jokes are part of our culture as much as any other kind of common denominator of humor. [...]
August 26, 2011
My ex-husband called our daughter a bitch. My suspicions that he harbored misogynistic tendencies were confirmed. Confirmed because calling one’s ex a bitch, while unnecessary and immature, does not a full-on jerk make. Calling a 14-year-old girl a bitch? That, a jerk makes. Name calling is a parenting no-no.I am sure that before our daughter turned [...]
July 19, 2011
At day camp the other day, my son’s friend, let’s call him Bobby, was being tormented by a self-anointed “King of the Wedgies.” The Wedgie King’s real name was Charlie. When I asked Jake why Charlie was King, Jake explained: “He told us to call him that.” Charlie delivered a trademarked turbo wedgie. He’d chase [...]
"A thoughtful, provocative look at the not-so-pretty and the sometimes-out-there sides of parenthood."--Kristen Kemp, Baristakids.com
January 31, 2013
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